


I Want To See The Light

by Amiki



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Diary/Journal, Fluff and Angst, I don't know what I was on while I came up with this concept, I hope you like cute demons fighting the physical embodiment of fucking depression and shit, Imaginary Friends, Internet, Isekai, Loneliness, Surreal, but I promise it'll be alright, edgy shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-04-24 18:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amiki/pseuds/Amiki
Summary: A story about going home.





	1. Entry I

**Author's Note:**

> Loneliness is a powerful thing.  
> When ignored for too long, reality begins to fade.
> 
> This is a story about a girl and her imaginary friendships. A story of moving on.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

So. I guess you really meant it.  
A full week, and you haven’t come back.  
It’s okay. I don’t mind the silence.  
Or the darkness.

I still remember it like it was yesterday.  
Everything was fine. Nothing else mattered besides you.  
So why would you do this to me?  
I believed in you.  
I trusted you.  
I loved you.

And what an idiot I was.

On days like this, I sit at my desk, staring at my blinding computer screen. My room is a mess. Assorted wrappers and clothes lie strewn about the floor. My bed hasn’t been made for days. The potted plant on my windowsill sits withered and dead. There are no signs of life anywhere else in the house.  
Perhaps someone will come to check on me someday.  
I doubt it.

The screen goes dark from a lack of activity. For a brief moment I see myself reflected in the black glass. My hair is a disaster, sticking up in every direction and almost slick with grease. My eyes are barely open. Staring at a bright screen all day hasn’t been good on them. I find myself squinting constantly, and I have a near constant headache.

I shake my head. This world matters not to me.

What happened to you? One day we ruled over our vast world, hand in hand. I miss that place. The people, the views, and the freedom.  
I w̵a̷n̸t̴ to go b̴a̵c̴k̸.  
P̴l̸e̸a̷s̶e̶ ̶t̵a̴k̵e̵ ̶m̸e̸ ̷b̴a̷c̴k̵.̴

I̵̩̓ ̶̭̌w̴̜͂ą̸̋ṋ̷̽ť̷̺ ̷̟̓ẗ̷̪o̷͕͝ ̶̞g̶̢o̷̘ ̷̺͗h̵̝͂ǒ̴̤m̸̥͝e̵̢͑.̸̰̈

I don't feel very good.

Perhaps you'll be back tomorrow.

I'll be waiting.


	2. Entry 2̵̛̼̹̞̝̰̐̒̂̍̈́̌̈͠͝

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the worlds begin to collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it when things get weird.
> 
> We'll be doing a lot of that.

I don’t feel any better.  
It’s hard to tell if I slept for an hour or an entire day. I’ve lost track of time here. For all I know, it’s been years since I last opened my door. There is no world outside. My curtains are drawn and no light filters through them. The only source of light in the tiny room was my computer.

I pull myself out of bed, sitting down at my desk once more. Let’s see here…  
Nothing.  
Just as I figured.

I sit for a moment staring at the empty message box, my cursor hovering over it. What could I possibly say to you after what happened?  
I didn’t want to fight. You used to be different. Was this my fault? Did I hurt you?  
If so, I’m sorry.

I can still hear your voice in my head. From before things got bad, when we would stay up all night lost in a world of our own. It felt… real. More real than this world. I would have done anything to live there.  
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to exist in this reality.  
Do I sound stupid now?  
Probably.  
I’ll move on.

As much as I despise the thought of it, I realize that sooner or later I’m going to have to leave my room. Going days without food will only hurt me more.  
Taking a deep breath, I stand and reach for the door. The lock clicks, and the door creaks slightly as I pull it open.  
The rest of my apartment isn’t much better than my room. The lights are either off or burnt out, and most of the rooms are depressingly empty. Why would I need extra things when the only people I ever talk to are on the other end of my screen?  
Besides, real life is so dull.  
In real life, you can’t be a hero.  
In real life, nobody cares who you are.  
So why bother?

I wonder if anyone even remembers my name.  
Sometimes I think I’ve forgotten it as well.  
Was it Miya? That sounds right…  
I guess I have it written here now so I won’t forget again.

I make my way to the kitchen, choosing to ignore the pile of dishes. I look around for something to eat, willing to accept almost anything at this point.  
The best I can find is some slightly stale bread and peanut butter.  
It’s not much, but I make myself a sandwich and grab a cup of water.  
I suppose I’ll just take these back to my room.

I’m walking back when suddenly a strange chill runs down my body, and I flinch. Some of the cold water spills from my cup, soaking some of my shirt and running down my leg. Something feels wrong, but perhaps it’s all in my head.  
I proceed down the hall, feeling a little uneasy.

My door is closed. That’s odd, I had left it open.  
And why does this hallway feel so long..?

I close my eyes for a moment and clear my head. Sure enough, when my eyes open the door is once again right in front of me. Still closed, but perhaps I simply forgot about shutting it.

I reach forward and open it.  
I was not prepared for what I saw.

Inside the door was literal nothingness. My room was gone, replaced by an empty black void. Somewhere inside I could still see the glowing rectangle of my computer screen, but I didn’t dare take a step further.  
I turn around, ready to run, but my heart nearly stopped. The rest of the hall was slowly collapsing into the void, the darkness rapidly advancing towards me.

This was it. I was going to die here, alone and forgotten.  
I backed up more and more into my doorway, until I was barely standing on anything. I only had a few seconds before what was left of my house collapsed, taking me with it.

Was this happening everywhere? Or is this some kind of cruel joke the universe is playing on me?

The ground under my feet slowly gave way, and I slipped into the abyss. I shut my eyes, ready for the pain, for everything to stop.  
But it never came.  
I was going to be here forever. Just falling forever.  
And somehow, that didn’t seem too bad.


	3. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Miya speaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to hell.  
> We won't be leaving anytime soon.
> 
> Not without asking the teacher for a hall pass first.

The falling has stopped. I felt no impact, but I can feel the ground under my body. I dare not open my eyes. Not yet. If this isn’t a bad dream, I don’t want to know what lies before me. It doesn’t feel like my bed, so perhaps it really is real.  
Even though my eyes are closed, I can still see a bright light shining down on me now.  
What is happening to me?  
Is this death?  
If it is, I thought it would hurt more.  
I can’t take this anymore. I open my eyes, and pull myself off the ground.

Wherever I am, this definitely isn’t my room.  
I take in my surroundings. All around me are massive trees, reaching above the clouds. The sky is almost perfectly clear, and the silence is oddly calming. A nice change from the more paranoid silence of my own house.

At one end of the clearing is a small pool of crystal clear water. I cautiously made my way over, reaching down and feeling the surface.  
I can see my reflection too. But… it’s different.  
My hair is actually taken care of. And blue. Since when was my hair blue..?  
Even stranger, a pair of tall, curvy horns jutted out from the top of my head. Sure enough, I felt them when I reached up. And they definitely weren’t there before...

That’s when it hit me.  
The horns, my hair, everything.  
I had seen this girl in my reflection before. No, not seen her. I was her. At least, I used to be.  
Back before you left, this was exactly how you knew me. Not as the lonely, anxious girl I was on the outside, but the me I wished I was. The me that I could be in our world.

Somehow, I had been transformed into a better version of myself. The one who I was in my own imagination.

This was all too weird.  
I’m going to lie down again.  
But at the same time, I hope I stay here.

* * *

“Are you really just going to lie there all day?” A voice said.  
I didn’t move. As far as I was concerned, I was hearing things. Sometimes isolation did that to people, right?  
“I know you can hear me” it spoke again.  
I opened my eyes, but stayed on the ground. My vision was still somewhat blurry, but I could just barely make out a figure standing over me. His long red hair was tied back in a long ponytail, and he wore a strange mask over his eyes. Like me, he too had a pair of large horns on his head, his pointing back rather than straight up.  
Maybe that was just normal for this world.  
The only alarming thing about him was the glowing spear in his hand. It wasn’t pointed at me, but it still made me uneasy.  
But more than anything, he felt weirdly familiar.

He looked down and smiled at me. “Come on. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Are you hurt? I don’t often come across anyone in these woods, much less someone asleep on the ground,” he said, reaching his other hand down and offering it to me.  
I took it, and he pulled me up and helped me to my feet.  
“I-I don’t think so, no…” I said. “I don’t even know where I am,”. My voice sounded weird. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken to anybody.  
“Well, that’s an easy fix. We’re just outside of Iresari. The main city is just through these woods, so I hope you don’t mind a bit of walking. I’m glad I found you before nightfall as well,” he said, beginning to walk down the path. Sure enough, the sky was slowly turning from a bright blue to a golden orange as the sun began to set. I followed him, since he seemed to be offering help.  
“Iresari? I still have no clue where I am… What country is this? Are you sure I’m not hallucinating?”  
“I’m pretty sure we’re still in Manafel. As far as I know, there’s nowhere else besides here in this world. Is your memory quite alright? For the latter, I can assure you I’m very real. Everything here is,” he gave my arm a small pinch, and I jumped.  
“I’ve never been here in my life. None of those places ring a bell with me,”.  
“Really? Where are you from then? You’ve got me curious, because everything about you points back here,” he smiled again. Something about that mask made me uncomfortable. I hated not being able to see where his eyes were looking.  
“I…” I tried to search my brain for the name of my home, but it was gone. Had I ever known in the first place? “I-I don’t know… What do you mean it ‘points back here’?”  
“Look at your ears. And those horns. You’re like me, whether you realize it or not. I can’t think of the last time I saw another spirit demon here,”.  
“A what?! I’m human! I always have been, I don’t know where these came from, but I’ve never seen them before!”  
“A spirit demon,” he said calmly. “You’re a manifestation of chaos and emotion. There are very few of us left, so finding you feels like a good omen,”.  
Something was very wrong here.  
“You say you’re not from here, but I don’t believe that,” he continued. “I’m going to help you get to the bottom of this mystery. But more than anything, I think you need some rest. Let’s get you a bed somewhere in town. Just a bit further!”.

Sure enough, we eventually came across a large village, most of which was literally built into the trees. A thin mist permeated the air, with floating blue and purple orbs lighting the paths between the various structures. The whole city a mystical, peaceful ambience to it, and it was more beautiful than anything I had seen in my entire life.  
“This lovely place is Iresari,” the demon said with a grand gesture. “It’s unfortunately quite empty now. Almost all of them have fled. Those who remain are either brave or foolish. It’s unfortunate that you chose to come here now, but... Oh well,” he shrugged.  
“Fled?! From what? Are we… in danger?” I questioned, somewhat alarmed by his words.  
“Us personally? None at all, unless we stay here too long. As for this world… yes. It’s collapsing in on itself. Something, or someone, seems to be accelerating that decay. I’ve sworn it upon myself that I’ll slow it down. Or something like that. Who knows if that’s even possible?”  
“That’s… very brave of you,” I said.  
Who was this guy? I almost admired his attitude. Saving an entire world, as just one person…  
In his own words, he was either extremely brave, or foolish.

“Here we are. Let’s get you a room in this inn here…” he said, leading me into one of the massive trees.  
The room inside could only be described as cozy. Despite all logic, a small fire burned in a pit near the center, the warmth and light flickering around the open space. A few armchairs sat around a low coffee table, and a spiral staircase lead higher into the tree. At the far end a girl who I could only assume was another one of these so-called ‘spirit demons’, judging by her own horns and pointed ears, sat at a desk. Her hair was fairly short, but the front hung low enough to just barely cover the tops of her eyes. A pair of almost comically large round glasses rested on her nose. She seemed lost in a book, to the point where I was unsure if she even noticed us walking in to her inn.  
“Excuse me, miss Kei? It’s me again. I’ve brought someone new with me this time,” he spoke, rather loudly, to the girl at the desk.  
“Hmm..? Oh! Takeshi, it is great to see you! I was worried you had left like most of the other usuals…” Kei said.  
I made a mental note that the demon who found me must be Takeshi. A little rude of him not to introduce himself earlier.  
“Who is this person with you? I do not think I have seen her here before…”  
Takeshi waved me over, and I walked up and joined him at the desk. “Why don’t you introduce yourself? I apologize for not asking your name sooner. I was a bit more concerned with your sudden appearance that anything else,” he said.  
I looked up Kei. “My name is Miya. I don’t know how I got here, but I need a place to stay. My memory isn’t too great, so I’m sorry if there’s not much else I can tell you”  
“Miya, is it? That is a lovely name. I wish you could have come here during better times, but…” Kei shook her head. “I only hope we can find a way to return your memories before this world falls apart. I am sorry that you have been doomed to this fate...”  
Takeshi cleared his throat. “You make it sound like she’s just going to sit here and accept her death. I haven’t known Miya very long, but I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t at least try to change their fate. I think, if she’s willing of course, that she could very well be another ally to our mission,”  
“I would love that!” I spoke out, perhaps a little too suddenly judging from the stares. “I mean- Yes, I would be more than happy to help you two. I can’t just sit here while an entire world dies, even if I have no clue why I’m here,”  
Takeshi grinned. “I knew I liked you. It sure is a good thing I found you, perhaps for both of us. Tell you what. Let’s get some sleep. In the morning, we’ll teach you some basics, and give you the rundown on the current situation. Is that cool with you?”  
“Of course! I think a little sleep would be great for me. Maybe when I wake up I’ll remember a bit more about where I came from, too…” I said.

Kei showed me up the stairs to an empty room. There wasn’t much inside besides a bed, table, and chair, but it was still more than comfortable. Without skipping a beat, I crawled straight into the bed, burying myself under the covers.  
For once, I had no trouble falling asleep.


End file.
